


Bunsen Burners

by hustlehobi (brainstorming)



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Definitely Not Science, Gen, Humour, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 17:02:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brainstorming/pseuds/hustlehobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And it was thus that Brainstorm and Perceptor finally agreed on something ---</p>
<p>Don't let Whirl into the lab.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bunsen Burners

Brainstorm could feel Perceptor's severe disapproval from the other side of the lab - if the sniper didn't leave him alone, it would be more than just the explosives combusting into a smoking pile on the floor. And the reason for it?

_Whirl_. In the lab, making the weapons engineer tell him about all the explosive chemicals in his arsenal - or, in the rotary's words,  _what was able to make the biggest boom_. Clearly his scientific terms needed work.

"-and this," started Brainstorm, pinching a vial filled to the five millilitre mark with a dark powder. "is  _nitrogen triiodide_. A personal favourite, if you ask me; big boom, highly sensitive - **no** , that  _doesn't mean_  you can touch it!-, very fun to play with. An ounce of this baby has the explosive potential to blow up half this ship  _and_  the next planet over!" It was clearly an exaggeration, but he needed to catch Whirl's attention - he'd caught him looking at the stack of half-finished grenades sitting in the corner more than once ( and, much to his chagrin, making  _lewd_  gestures in reference to the sniper's aft - not because he was  _jealous_ , but because it was  _his_  job to annoy him! ). With the ex-Wrecker's optic now on the powder in his servo, he huffed a smug titter and continued with his lecture.

"So! If you want to make it with the most possible explosive potential, you need a few things -  _steady servos_ , for one, 'cos this stuff  **will**  blow you out the hull. Boron nitride reacts with the iodine monofluoride in trichlorofluoromethane -try saying  _that_  three times fast- at -30 celsius. That's when you get the-"

A pincer was held to his mask - Brainstorm knew it as the  _supposedly_  all-important signal for "shut up".

"That's good an' all Brains, but  _when do we blow it up_? I wanna see before I stick it on Cyclonus where the sun don't shine!" A pause; then, to make sure Magnus wasn't called upon, "As a prank, yanno! Happy-happy-fun-times! Not gonna kill 'im,  _yeesh_. Don't gimme that look.."

Brainstorm raised an optic ridge doubtfully, shoving the offending claw aside; dangerous as his inventions were, even  _he_  had a moral compass - and letting Whirl get his greedy little claws on it was a  **no-brainer**.  _Literally_.

"Whirl, this stuff  _will_  kill him. I'm not Percep-  _daft_. I'm not  _daft_ , I know what you're trying to do." He set the vial down in the test tube rack, one servo on his hip as he gestured with the other. "And I'm telling you now, for your  _own good_  - Magnus is  _literally_  going to kill you this time.”

"But babe.  _Babe_." Whirl ignored the scowl Brainstorm gave, slinging an arm around his shoulder. "Have you ever considered how fraggin'  _cool_  it'd be? Just-  _fwoah!_   **BOOM**! The slagger won't even know what hit him!"

The engineer shrugged out from underneath Whirl, brushing at imagined scuffs; his winglets twitched, hiked high on his shoulders and giving away his distaste for the unwelcome touch. "Sure it'd be  _cool_ , but if Cyclonus somehow manages to survive getting a tube of this shoved up his aft, he'll know exactly who you got it from. And -no offence- but I'd rather  _you_  take the brunt of his undying, eternal rage. I don't want to die just yet, and let's be real here; he'd kill you  **and**  me."

"And if  _he_  doesn't," Perceptor finally spoke up, startling both engineer and ex-Wrecker; doing his  **level best**  to ignore the two had finally failed. He set the pipette in its holder, turning to face them with a stern frown. "I have no doubts that  _Ultra Magnus_  will. Brainstorm-" It was amazing how his expression never changed, yet he could look so utterly  _disdainful_. The look he sent could have melted even the strongest troublemaker's resolve. "-as much as I..  _appreciate_  you taking the initiative to bar Whirl from using potent substances, you shouldn't have shown them to him in the first place."

"Well  _you_ weren't going to," Brainstorm snipped in return, optics rolling. "and he wanted to know - from  _me_ , 'cos I'm  _clearly_  the better scientist in this situation. You're too tame to show him what makes big booms."

From there, the conversation dissolved into an argument over who had the ball bearings to let Whirl get his claws on the chemicals – Perceptor argued _against_ why it was such a “good idea”, whereas Brainstorm countered him with how it was important to teach as many mecha as one could about the wonders of science. The rotary was forgotten in the midst, and he knew it;

It should have come as no surprise that the **second** Whirl was forgotten, he headed straight for the triiodide.

“Boys, boys, you’re both pretty! Which one’a you _nerds_ -” Both paused their argument to give him an unamused stare. “-can tell me what’s gonna happen if it starts **fizzing**?”

The reaction was almost _instantaneous_ – Perceptor dove for the fire extinguisher in the corner, whereas Brainstorm shoved past Whirl to grab the vial.

“Safety room!” the jet shrieked, but alas, the powder had started to spark; a sure sign of the imminent explosion. He started to veer off, perhaps make it under the upturned table where Whirl had taken shelter, though his footing slipped; vinyl was _not_ the greatest floor covering. He fell with a startled yelp – servos immediately came up to cover his helm, curling into himself in a protective ball on the floor.

And not a moment too soon; for such a _small amount_ , the powder certainly had a **big impact**. A fizzle-pop sounded, and with a sudden **_bang!_** the bench it had sat upon was nothing but shredded metal and paint chips.

It wasn’t the fact that the lab was in total disarray that worried Perceptor – while working with such a mech as _Brainstorm_ , it was to be expected ( he insisted it was a compliment, but the sniper told him **otherwise** ). It was more of the fact that a certain jet was _in flames_. When Brainstorm had said he wanted to go down in a blaze of glory, he hadn’t meant _literally_ – at least, that was what he _thought_. Perceptor never knew if he was joking or not; but, with an aft _on fire_ , he certainly wouldn’t wish to go down this way.

It was an easy enough fix – hauling the fire extinguisher across the room, Perceptor had only to spray out the flame. Perhaps he would’ve done so sooner, had Brainstorm had the self control to _keep his mouth shut_. Whirl’s laughter at such a comment certainly didn’t help his mood.

“ _Hurry_ Perceptor! My bunsens are burning!”

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as a pun and escalated into a ficlet. this is what hell feels like


End file.
